I would so kick butt at this job.
Never trust a man wearing white socks and black shoes
Bad luck comes to those who stare
When lost, always turn left
It is a wise woman who flosses after eating an entree flecked with cilantro
Those who start wars have no imagination
Check for panty lines
When a small child thinks you look funny, you do
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands
On second thought, I'd be fired after two weeks or one hundred fortunes, whichever came first.
Now you try.