Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I Just Wanted Breakfast, Thanks

As I was enjoying a nice little breakfast at Copenhagen Bakery yesterday, it appears that one of God's Army was hard at work in the parking lot. S/he left a booklet on my windshield which, upon closer inspection, turned out to be a comic book.

The book begins sweetly by noting all the things that we humans have in common, such as eating, sleeping, sickness, aging, and the same parents. By the latter, the author is referring not to primates, which is made very clear by a panel containing two embracing monkeys and the words, "We all came from the same parents. NOT THESE," but to Adam and Eve, which is made very clear by a panel containing a hand-holding couple who bear a striking resemblance to Fred and Wilma Flinstone.

Ohmalord. Hilarious.

Okay, then it goes on to say that even though we have many things in common, the idea only goes so far. Why? Because, in fact, "Some people are going to heaven, and MANY people are going to HELL."


The next page brings it home with this visual:

And, I don't know. I just felt so loved, so accepted.


A. D. said...


I'd like to see what the heaven bound have to say. Is there a flow chart for them as well?

ver said...

The one guy that gets into heaven is kneeling and crying and saying, "God, I've ruined my life. Please forgive me...Be my Master and take me to heaven..." And then there's a big arrow pointing to the sky. If you STILL won't admit to being a sinner, then..."after death, when you're down in that horrible, dark place...You'll remember reading this little gospel tract...And you'll CURSE yourself throughout all eternity for making the wrong decision. Either way, you WILL bow down to Jesus."

Holy freaking crap. Nutjobs...

weez said...

<-- Amazed.

A. D. said...

One guy, eh?

Hmm . . . where do the Christian, non-Buddhist, non-horrible Flintstones people who haven't ruined their lives go?

Oh wait, everyone is horrible, everyone has squandered their lives, right? I forget.

Makes sense—what a refreshing worldview. Bring on the misanthropy, bring on The Hate.

Carl said...

Good ol' Chick tracts. I've seen these things for years. As office manager for a small Episcopal church (which does not share their, uh, theological ideologies), I'd find these things tucked in the strangest of places.

If it's a consolation, most of Christiandom finds these folks a wee bit cracked.

Gura said...

reminds me of a Southpark episode where just about everyone goes to hell even the God-fearing Christians. Then when they ask the guy who got into heaven, he says, "the correct answer was Mormons, Mormons."