In my increasingly faltering quest to be the kind of mother (you know the kind—the kind with glazed-over eyes whose hair is held back with plastic duck barrettes and who talks out loud to Hello Kitty when she thinks no one is listening) who keeps her children enthralled during their every waking hour without the aid of a television, I purchased the Martha Stewart Kids December issue. Scanning desperately for "fun things to do together," I bypassed fudge (way too messy), gingerbread (way too...doughy), knitting (way too possible for the twins to erupt into one of their frequent "twin wars" and gouge each other's eyes out), and the—hold onto your newsboy caps for this one—baby sock advent calendar. I shit you not. A baby sock advent calendar.
I decided on—I shit you not again—felt mice with candy cane tails. We can handle this, I said to myself, eyeing the page (they're in the "Good Things" section. I love irony): seven pieces of felt, a little glue, and a candy cane. Feeling quite crafty, I had the girls make a list of friends who were to be the blessed recipients of a felt mouse with a candy cane stuck up its butt. Eighteen friends.
It looked so simple.
I am now entering Day 3 of Operation Felt Mice. We could have made an entire vat of fudge in the time it's taken to make just five of the necessary—and decidedly adorable—eighteen rodents. I'm weary. My fingertips are smeared in glue. My hair is festooned with stray bits of felt. My daughters keep pilfering the candy canes and feigning innocence even while reeking of peppermint.
Crafts: excellent in theory, hellish in execution.
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