How Many Filipinos Does It Take To Create a Power Outage?

We thought it was our fault. Warmly ensconced in my grandparents’ (now my Auntie and Uncle's) big ol’ Richmond District house, four generations of my family politely salivated as we awaited the serving of a feast that would fell ordinary humans: a Flinstones-sized prime rib; a pot of cioppino large enough to bathe a toddler in (you know, if you had to); too many Dungeness crab to count; my mom’s insane pork/chicken adobo; my Lola Pilar’s famed chicken relleno; and my cousin Matt’s chocolate bread pudding, which he perfected at The Public, the San Francisco restaurant where he toils as Chef and where, for mysterious reasons, he answers only to the name “Chili." Oh. And a turducken.

But then the power went out. For many, many hours. We believed that the combination of excessive holiday lighting, the stereo, six stove burners, two ovens, and the collective energy of our very Filipino-ness caused the problem. But never mind: nothing can stop fifty hungry Delfino family members from eating. Besides, we needed to fuel up for what later proved to be the world’s largest, most unruly, and highly disturbing (what was that thing in the cylindrical container that required large batteries? Who brought that Whitney Houston CD?) white elephant gift exchange ever to occur anywhere, at any time.

We lit a hundred candles. Oddly enough, the lack of music was more disturbing than the darkness. Not a problem: a 10-year-old cousin I’d only met a handful of times in my life had brought along his saxophone because in my family we have a sadistic need to force every child to exhibit an artistic talent of some kind. Trembling and tears do not stop us from insisting on these exhibitions; we are merciless. He blew a few holiday tunes, and all was right with the world. And then we ate.

I had to leave—with my children in their pajamas and too tired to protest—at 10:00, but the all-you-could eat buffet continued until nearly 2:00 in the morning, when those who were staying overnight finally floated up to their rooms.

The power came on fifteen minutes later.