She Came From the 80s

I woke up this morning unable to deny it any longer: the 80s fete is tonight. Taking the up-and-at-'em approach, I dove into my closet and discovered the most alarming thing: the Ghost of Cropped Tops lingers. I found a...well, I'm afraid I have to refer to it as "brilliant" because it is...brilliant cropped, cocoa-colored, open-weave sweater complete with a deeply scooped, falling-off-the-shoulder neckline. Such a score, I can't even tell you.

Would my luck hold? Can you even stand the suspense?

Okay, in the seventh circle of my closet I located two possible bottoms: 501 jeans circa 1987 that I had custom-bleached and custom-pegged to...well, I'm afraid I have to say "perfection" because I did...perfection, complete with a rip in the left knee; and black stonewashed Gap jeans circa 1988. The question was...would these relics fit this relic? I futzed around for 20 minutes before deciding to put myself through the trauma of trying on jeans that I purchased oh so many years ago.

The 501s were up first. I slipped my right leg in easy until mid-thigh, cursed softly under my breath, and pulled 'em on with a little bit of effort. The left leg, for some mysterious reason (am I lopsided?), posed no problem. 501s, as you know, boast a button fly. Button one, no problem, button two, no problem, button three...um, slight problem. And button four? Forget about it. Still, they felt pretty good. And if the tank top I wore under my brilliant sweater was long enough, I wouldn't have to worry about the top button. I looked in the full-length mirror and remembered instantly the inspiration for these jeans: Madonna in the "Papa Don't Preach" video! To be honest, I had this whole outfit going on--the black belt and the black flats and the striped shirt.

There was no need, really, to try on the other pair of jeans; I had found my 80s gold. In the hopes of stretching them out a little and making my evening a little more, um, oxygen-filled, I'm wearing them right now. I know, I know, you don't have to say it: if ever there were a time when you wished I could post pictures to my blog, this would be it. Or, alternately, this would not be it.

Also on my to-do list for the day:

1) Cut fingers off my black gloves (don't even lie--you know you had fingerless gloves)
2) Buy teasing comb to create maximum bang effect
3) Buy industrial-strength hairspray to cement maximum bang effect
4) Buy blush and eyeshadow to re-create my former Robert Palmer video girl make-up tendencies

I better go now...