Reason #1, which isn't so much a reason as an example of how she flummoxes me by saying things that don't have anything to do with the subject at hand, but which nevertheless disarm me to the extent that the original subject becomes somehow irrelevant:
Me: Lea! You cannot slap Risa on the back when she's brushing her teeth. Lea! Did you hear me?!
Her: This is a silent protest.
Me: What? What are you protesting? In fact, you can't slap her on the back ever.
Her [turns to face the wall]: I repeat: this is a silent protest.
Me: Where did you learn...
Her: SILENT PROTEST.
And then there's this one, the backstory of which begins with what she refers to as "comfy pants." She will only wear comfy pants, i.e. yoga pants or soft cotton sweatpant-like pants. And they have to be full-length; she will not abide cropped comfy pants. This seems a small thing, but trust me when I tell you that there are moments when it is a thing so big, so overwhelming, so all-encompassing that it threatens to take over my entire life.
Me: Time to get dressed.
Her: Okay, Mom!
Me: A skirt, okay? Or some jeans?
Her [emerging from her room wearing, of course, comfy pants]: I'm ready to go, Mama!
Me: Oh, man. Come on, Lea. You've worn comfy pants every day for, like, thirty days. Please go and put something else on.
Her: I'm not a man, actually. I'm a woman.
Somebody help me.