But on to my helpful hints. And by helpful hints, I mean that if the SPARTAN MEN! had followed my advice they might have been able to defeat the million-strong armies of Asia (about that: must the "armies of Asia" always be depicted as grotesque, hedonistic, dirty fighters? I'm thinking, too, of "Lord of the Rings" and the way Legolas was constantly whispering that something horrific "stirs in the East").
Ahem. Helpful hints:
1) Stop admiring one another's "fine thrusts."
2) Stop discussing the "Hot Gates" and pointing at them with sticks on your make-believe sand map.
3) "Fine thrusts" and "hot gates" can only serve to distract SPARTAN MEN!
4) Leather jockey shorts, red capes, and sandals? Fellas, that is not a substitute for armor.
I'm so glad I got all that off my chest. In closing, I will leave you with my favorite dialogue exchange:
King Leonidas to badly wounded SPARTAN MAN!: I hope that little scratch hasn't made you completely useless.
Badly Wounded SPARTAN MAN!: No Sir! It is just an eye!
***The Comfort Women House Resolution now has 318 signatures. Does that include yours (thanks Auntie Ginger!)? If not, please sign now.