Thursday, October 16, 2008

Drive For Change Snafu or There's a Pattern

My four co-horts have all been assigned to Reno, while I have been assigned to Incline. I am feeling quite sadly adrift at the moment, but I have sent an e-mail to the powers-that-be to request re-assignment. No doubt they're being inundated with hundreds of similar requests, and I will be waiting all day on proverbial pins and needles.

There's a pattern in my life.

I've mentioned elsewhere that a mountain lion is stalking our neighborhood. The situation has created a ruckus that has forced kids indoors, created alarm at school, and transformed taking out the garbage from a simple errand to a possible episode of the non-existent television show, "Man vs. Nature." I heard today that the mountain lion is apparently camped out in an empty house a few blocks away. Whenever the authorities attempt to surround and capture it, the wily animal has already disappeared, leaving pawprints behind.

Now, according to the pattern I've detected in my life, the authorities should simply follow ME around. Because before this episode reaches whatever conclusion it's going to reach, I'm pretty sure the mountain lion will single me out for "special consideration." I've read all about what I'm supposed to do when confronted by this kitty. The first rule is Don't Run:

Sure. No problem.


Shuboy said...

this is not funny...
Move the garbage cans closer (but not too close), take the girls out of school and take them far, far away until this thing is caught.
"a few blocks away"?!?! that beast could cover a few blocks in about 30 seconds.
Billy, don't be a hero.

ver said...

Not funny? It's HILARIOUS! Did you know a mountain lion can pounce 45 feet in a single leap?! We're goners! Complete goners!

They lie in wait up in the trees! They aim for heads and necks! They are drawn to children!

I'm just counting the minutes, pretty much.

Benito said...

But if you hear Whitney Houston singing "I Will Always Love You" as the lion pounces, though, that might be worth writing about.