Strawberry Shortcake Underwear & Chuck Norris

Is it corny to enjoy the annual Best American Nonrequired Reading books? Okay then, I'm corny.

[Pause for gratuitously embarrassing aside about my youngest daughter: because of the weather, I will not currently allow her to wear any of her vast number of skirts. She went to preschool today in pants. She hates pants. When we got home, she asked if she could please put on a skirt. For no particular reason, I said, "No." So just now I looked over into the den, where she is putting together a puzzle, and she's just wearing her Strawberry Shortcake underwear. Hahahahahahaha! She's all No skirt, huh? Well, I'll just hang out in my underwear, then.]

But back to Nonrequired. Where else can you find a list of "Best American Things to Know About Chuck Norris," culled, of course, from chucknorrisfacts.com? Nowhere, that's where. Here are my favorites:

•Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
•Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
•Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice.
•There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
•Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
•Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
•When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Oh my God. I've read these ten times already, and they are still cracking me up.