I made the strategic mistake of uttering the words "Bay," "City," and "Rollers" during a message board discussion about which bands one would most like to see reunited. I was joking, of course, but my cyberpal Kareem said, "I knew it! Vmontes likes tartan plaid and mullets!"
To which I grin and say, "And your point is?"
I may as well add here that the first album I ever purchased with my very own scrimped-and-saved money was an offering by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods. My seven-year-old sensibility was deeply moved by the alarmingly corny lyrics of the unforgettable "Billy Don't Be A Hero." In this classic 70s ditty, a young and strapping soldier has been called off to war. The refrain goes...
Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life
Billy, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as Billy started to go,
She said keep your pretty head low
Billy, don't be hero, come back to me
How can you not love that? (A rhetorical question, people. Please refrain from answering.)
You're probably thinking I was lost forever, right? That I went on to faint at the sight of The Osmond Brothers. That I had a Leif Garrett lunch box, a Shaun Cassidy pillowcase, and an Andy Gibb "Shadow Dancing" poster (okay, well, I did have one of those). But you would be mostly wrong! Thanks to my family's intervention, I weathered the Tiger Beat years unscathed. When I was about twelve years old, I braved the crowds to attend my first concert, and I'm happy to say that it was Earth, Wind & Fire at the Oakland Arena.
I think it was in September. Yes, that's right. The twenty-first night of September...